Long time coming

It has been ages since I last posted and on the trip to Cleveland in May I was thrilled to fit into a size 12 pants. Now I am wearing size 8 pants and this week they are baggy. I have hit a place where I fluxuate between size 10 and 8 and I fine with that. I also have reach 100 pounds lost a few times, only to regain 3 or so pounds. Also, just fine. My original goal was to reach 135 pounds, but that may not be realistic. I am now hovering around 152-154, depending on the day. That may be where I stay. I would like to gain some muscle and lose some more middle flab, and firm up there especially, but we shall see. I am now always cold and that is wierd. I've not been focusing on my weight, but I have been enjoying my ease of movements. When I scratch my own back, I still smile, because I can reach. I am still dealing with the emotional eating stuff. I found littel joy in more than the first two bites of Thanksgiving, and that was ok. I approach a plate of food with the same anticipation of satiety and then I am disappointed. Only the Lord truly sates me now and that is a great thing. There really is no sufficient substitute for Jesus, not even close.

I am now looking to what I want to do with this body this winter. Short of running off to Mexico to warm up, I do want to try skiing again. Downhill and XC. I used to love it and I think I could again. The other thing that is new is that I have to protect myself more, from men looking, from getting knocked over in a elevator, from cold. That is weird and I definitly feel more "out there" than ever. Again, the Lord is my protector and I need to let Him be that for me.